Up at 6:00am, everyday. Yes, never different, always 6:00am. Lately, I have been waking up on my own at 5:00am, with my mind racing. My body, however, is not ready so I lay there thinking. I think about the summer of 2009 and it seemed like it was all going to happen for us. I was reminiscent of 1993 when my band auditioned for a label and it went well. We thought we were going to be rock stars, until we figured out that the guy was full of crap and was some lowly promoter wanna-be. The stars in my eyes turned to sand man crust. I know, ridiculous. I was the last one in the group to accept this failure. Actually, I don't think I ever truly accepted it.
But I moved on and we evolved. We made music that we were really proud of - and thought that everyone who didn't like it had something wrong with them. Once again, I was late in coming to terms with my collective artistic shortcomings. There are those who still rave about the music, though recently I wanted to upload one of our songs for a contest and I tried to listen with another pair of ears and I realized that it just wasn't going to catch on. I am still pretty proud of a solo blues project I did, posing as an old blues artist by the name of Wilbur Coughlin. His story was that of a washed up old mediocre blues man vying for one last shot in the spotlight. The metaphor is chilling.
So, the roads I have chosen in life have brought me to a nice 4 bedroom house in the suburbs and the challenge of raising my three children while the wife brings home the turkey bacon. As I write this post, I am interrupted with runny noses, fights, brownies cooking in the oven and an aching back. My wife was most cleaver to point out that my back always bothers me when I am in "regret mode". Truth is truth. I also attempt to edit videos during my two hours of peace every night so I can contribute to the family income. Nothing like trying to be creative when you have nothing left in you.
That brings me to the point I was hoping to make in this rambling piece. Groundhog Day was only 2 weeks ago, yet I feel like it never left. The movie is ALWAYS available on 'TBS On Demand' by the way. Not really sure if that is a Time Warner programming joke or mistake, but it is. I watch it every once in a while. Movies were always my escape - my way of turning off my mind and living in someone else's world for a while. Problem was, 2 hours later I am back in mine.
So here I am again, looking for an escape when I should be looking for an answer. My wife said it exactly, and I paraphrase, "If you want it bad enough, you'll figure out a way to get it."
Truth is truth. Ding! Brownies are done...